I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
