We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
