Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
