he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
