if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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