The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize