Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
