just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
