Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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