Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
