someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
