my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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