bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
