did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the day after is always just damage control
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
