She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize