We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
