guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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