He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
