I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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