i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Bring me that man meat
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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