Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize