My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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