glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
