One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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