I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
