Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
