Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
