I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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