I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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