after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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