I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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