Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
