don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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