Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
