just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
