I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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