i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
