Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We are all done wearing pants today
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
