Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
