was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
how does that bad decision feel?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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