I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
