I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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