I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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