Got a toothbrush?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
