This is not my ceiling
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
