i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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