her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize