I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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