I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
