I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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