please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
