Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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