I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
