I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
