She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
