you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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