Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
