I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Are we still banned from the library?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
