i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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