It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
