life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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