Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
