I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
