you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
