I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Still dying that you shit outside
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize