Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
