i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
