you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
