so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
