I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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