there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
