He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
